Winter Journals
All the films I watched during winter & celebrating 10 years with Tim.
July/August slipped away like a bottle of wine…🎼
Sorry, I had to quote Taylor Swift, otherwise, did I really August? Although winter slipping away like a caramel scented candle would be more accurate for my last couple of months. This winter has been all about hibernation and watching films for me. I mostly watched forgotten gems from the 90s and early 2000s. When I’m feeling down, I’m drawn to light-hearted content. I don’t need a film or an album to take me there. I’m already there and I’m in hell. In saying that, I surprised myself with some of the films I enjoyed. I’m basically wanting you to know I’m a super artsy and moody girl now. I had so much fun writing about these films, and I’m really happy with how this newsletter came together. I’ve also written about celebrating my 10 year anniversary with Tim. It’s sweet, endearing, cute and corny. You better eat it up.
Films!
Jawbreaker (1999): I always say that I want a surprise party, but only if I get to organise it. This movie confirmed my need for control. Don’t surprise me, kidnap me, put a jawbreaker in my mouth to keep me quiet as I ride in the boot of your car. Is that ungrateful of me? Does that make me a bad friend? You’re right, being killed by a 90s Rose McGowan would be a privilege. Jawbreaker is Heathers meets Mean Girls, but let’s be honest, Courtney Shane would annihilate Regina George. This is worth a watch purely for the cinematography, styling and soundtrack. Whether you kill someone else, or kill your former self, high school is brutal and this film does a good job of capturing the teenage female psyche, and the desperate and ruthless attempts many will go to in order to stay on top. I so desperately want to be Courtney Shane, but I think I’m Fern Mayo, you know, like hold the mayo. Watch at your own risk of wanting to change your name to Vylette, and wear head to toe pink, as you get hyped up while sitting on your red convertible.
Never Been Kissed (1999): This was always one of my favourite movies growing up. I loved the tale of the unexpected girl finding her happy ending (I was a Josie Grossie) but rewatching this as an adult was a little different, as it was hard to overlook the problematic plot. Basically, everyone in this film should be behind bars. Let’s start with the teacher who asked Josie “Are you sure you’re 17?” the first day he met her in class. They dance together at prom and have emotional conversations on ferris wheels. When Josie confesses to being an undercover reporter, he actually gets mad and says he can’t look at her the same way…because she’s not 17? Then there’s the whole filming underage students without their consent, and Josie’s brother who can barely pass for 23 pretending to be 17. Look, I’m all for watching films through the lens of the social context of the time, but when would any of this have been okay? Anyway, there’s enough heart in this film for it to still be one of my favourite comfort movies. It touches on feelings around navigating adulthood with a high school loser complex, and how the social structures of high school impact our happiness during those formative years. Brb, scream-crying “I’m not Josie Grossie anymore!” into the mirror to heal my high school loser complex. Watch at your own risk of saying “That’s so Rufus” unironically.
Practical Magic (1998): This is a movie for the girls. It’s centrifugal motion. It’s perpetual bliss. It will make you want to grow your hair long and have ‘Midnight Margaritas’ while dancing around the kitchen. My biggest takeaway was that any man that hurts you had it coming, and deserves either death or the chicken pox. The film is also an ode to sisterly love and loyalty, voluminous hair and Nicole Kidman’s beauty. I was surprised to see a young Camilla Belle in this film, most known for her role in Better Than Revenge by Taylor Swift. It also seems likely Taylor Swift got her inspiration for No Body, No Crime from this movie. We need a sequel with the Haim sisters as the aunts! Watch at your own risk of wanting to say “Hang onto your husbands, girls” while popping your hips at a PTA meeting.
Blast from the Past (1999): If Brendan Fraser was a Jonas Brother in the Year 3000. After spending 35 years in an underground bomb shelter, Adam (Brandon Fraser) enters the real world for the first time, and says things like “Oh my lucky stars!” and “Manners are a way of showing other people we care about them.” Eve (Alicia Silverstone) is the ultimate 90s cool girl, who spends most of the film yelling at Adam with bad hair. My biggest note is the hairstylist on set should’ve brushed out Alicia Silverstone’s curls! It bothered me more than it should have. Alas, this film is so charming and underrated, with a great soundtrack. Watch at your own risk of wanting to stick a Brandon Fraser poster to your wall, and find out how much your Pokémon cards are worth.
You’ve Got Mail (1998): A rom-com with Tom Hanks, Meg Ryan, dial up internet and New York in the Fall. Don’t you love New York in the fall? And although Joe (Tom Hanks) stole Kathleen’s (Meg Ryan) livelihood, he writes a damn good email so we are rooting for him. It’s also got that whole enemies-to-lovers rom-com thing going on that messed up a lot of millennial women, but it’s overflowing with cozy fall vibes so we are delightfully distracted. Watch at your own risk of developing the feminine urge to open up your own bookstore.
Defending Your Life (1991): I loved this film. I’m basically an Albert Brooks fan girl at this point. The film had an ambitious concept that could have easily fallen short had it not been executed properly. It follows an advertising executive named Daniel (Albert Brooks), who is taken to Judgement City after his death, a suburban purgatory, if you will. He then goes to trial to determine whether he should be able to reach the afterlife, or be reincarnated once again. The film could’ve easily been sappy, but it remained grounded, much of which was due to Albert Brooks’ authenticity and humour. The film pushes the idea that one has fulfilled their potential on earth if they have lived bravely. I started crying uncontrollably at the end when Daniel was granted access to the bus with Julia (Meryl Streep). I thought it was a beautiful metaphor about how when you live your life authentically and courageously doors will open up for you. I also wonder how much better their ‘heaven’ was given they were already able to eat whatever they wanted without gaining weight. I would’ve just set up shop in Judgement City and dragged out my trial. Meryl needs to do mukbang videos because I could watch her eat fettuccine for hours. Watch at your own risk of wanting to live courageously and eat everything in sight.
Sliding Doors (1998): I started watching this film in 1998, as a 6 year old, and after the first scene with Lydia, Gerry and Elton John, my Mum made me turn it off. I was so captivated by the concept, forever justifying my lateness as a Sliding Doors moment, and worrying that every missed train was either leading me closer or further away from my destiny. After watching this film as an adult, I’m no longer worried about a potential parallel universe where I get a bad haircut, use the word daft, and quote Monty Python. Watch this at your own risk of saying fucking bollocks shagging tosser wanker to every fucking bollocks shagging tosser wanker.
Say Anything (1989): “It’s been said that when girl’s say they want a ‘nice guy’ they mean John Cusack in this movie” Tim told me. We all deserve a Lloyd Dobler. We live in a very individualistic, hyper-independent society that encourages us to not value our relationships. This film unashamedly embraces the idea that love can conquer all, and showcases the beauty, fragility and awkwardness of young love. Most teen movies have the female protagonist fawning over the male lead, so it was refreshing to see a leading man completely devoted to his partner, and willing to uproot his life to support her. I had seen the iconic boombox moment reblogged a million times on Tumblr, but I had no idea the film had so much depth. The dinner party scene where Lloyd shares his aimlessness and uncertainties for the future was refreshing and comforting to watch. The film also explores the devastation around realising your parents are human, have made mistakes and will inevitably disappoint you. It also foreshadows the Taylor Swift and Joe Alwyn breakup, where a girl writes 65 songs about a guy named Joe. Watch at your own risk of getting a restraining order for holding a boombox outside you ex’s bedroom window.
That Thing You Do! (1996): This film was written and directed by Tom Hanks, and is just as wholesome and charming as you’d expect from him. It follows the rise and fall of a one hit wonder band in the 1960s, and stars only hot people (I was in love with everyone in this movie). I found it odd that one of the original band members misses his chance at stardom because he broke a limb, yet doesn’t show any signs of disappointment or resentment. I aspire to be this evolved and unbothered. That Thing You Do! (The song) is such an ear worm, and so much fun. Written by Adam Schlesinger of Fountains of Wayne, who also wrote lots of songs for the Crazy Ex-Girlfriend series. The scene where they hear their song on the radio for the first time is wholesome as hell and had me smiling from ear to ear. Watch at your own risk for making wearing sunglasses your entire personality.
View from the Top (2003): Seeing Gwyneth Paltrow pretend to be from humble beginnings was my favourite thing about this film. Oh, and Mark Ruffalo being hot. It reminded me of Romy & Michele, but with a little less heart and a bad soundtrack. I liked the movie overall, and will probably watch it again. I have a soft spot for films about girls from suburban backgrounds with dreams, and can overlook plot holes if the make up and styling is on point. But um, what was with the ending? Why couldn’t Mark Ruffalo move to New York with Donna given he was some big shot lawyer!? Surely that would be less far-fetched than Donna staying in Cleveland and becoming a pilot in what appeared to be a matter of months. Watch at your own risk of wanting to become a hillbilly girl boss flight attendant.
Rachel Getting Married (2008): The film perfectly captured the tension of a wounded family structure, coming together for a monumental occasion, and how grief and underlying resentments resurface amid these events. I found myself taking random deep breaths throughout the film to find comfort as everything unfolded. Rachel (Anne Hathaway) was so complex and human, and I wanted to protect her at all costs. As the film progressed, I had more empathy for the sister, and could understand the frustration she had towards her rebellious and unsettled sister. The scene where she baths Rachel on the morning of her wedding day was so special, and was a testament to the resilience, beauty and complexity of sister relationships. I felt so sad for Rachel at the rehearsal dinner, where she gives a speech and overshares because she feels so rejected and misunderstood. It all felt so raw that I actually felt like I was sitting at the table with them. This film really made me feel something, and Anne Hathaway was brilliant in it. Watch at your own risk of wanting to call your sister and tell her how much you love her.
10 Years!
Tim and I celebrated our tenth anniversary this month. We decided to take a week off work to celebrate. It was as much a celebration of how we have grown as individuals, as it was a celebration of our relationship. I was 20 years old when I met Tim, and he was 24. We met in 2013, the year of sock buns, wearing corporate attire to the club, and the peak of millennial rustic weddings (Seriously though, why was everyone getting married in a barn?). I was two years out of high school and still figuring things out. I was jaded and burned out from working and studying, and lived off hot chips and aioli. I was drawn to Tim the day I met him. Our relationship was a slow burn, which allowed us to build a solid foundation. We met at work, and I remember liking his grounded perspective, sense of humour and how helpful and kind he was to everybody, especially me. He would ask me random Seinfeld themed trivia questions at the water cooler, and we would make each other mixtapes full of songs with hidden meanings, decorating the CD disc and personalising the liner notes. Track 1 on Tim’s first mixtape for me was Un-thinkable (I’m Ready) by Alicia Keys. “He so likes me” I remember thinking to myself as I listened to the track while searching for the lyrics online.
🎼 This is exactly how it should feel when it's meant to be, time is only wasting, so why wait for eventually?
I held my hand to my mouth.
🎼 I was wonderin', maybe, could I make you my baby?
I stopped the track and stared in silence.
Track 1 on the first mixtape I made for Tim was She’s So High by Tal Bachman.
🎼 What could a guy like me ever really offer? She's perfect as she can be, why should I even bother?
Hey, I thought we were just exchanging mixtapes of songs we liked. My bad!
🎼 But somehow I can't believe, that anything should happen, I know where I belong, and nothing's going to happen.
Tim has since confessed this song choice made him question everything.
We can now laugh about how I was a little taken aback by his forwardness. “I think you were just scared” Tim told me recently, when I was reflecting on why I pushed him away in the beginning. We spent all of our time together going to cafes, watching movies, bike riding over the Harbour Bridge, talking on the phone all night, only to wake up at 5am to see each other again at work. I would’ve assured you we were only friends. Thankfully, everything worked out the way it was meant to.
For our anniversary celebrations, we spent most of the week eating at restaurants and revisiting places from our story. Sorry if you were eating as you read that. In our defence, it’s our tenth anniversary and we’ll be corny if we want to. One of my favourite days was when we visited a cafe in Manly and walked along the beach to pay homage to one of our first dates. Back in 2013, we caught the ferry from Circular Quay to Manly Beach. I wore a large sun hat that I would be too embarrassed to wear now. Being 20 is weird because you’re insecure and worried a lot of the time, but you also think that you’re hot shit. It was fun and easy with Tim, we never had awkward lulls in the conversation. He made me feel funny and smart, and listened to me talk in a way that made me believe what I was saying had value. I loved being around him, and I loved who I was around him. I don’t remember much of what else we did, or what we spoke about, but I do remember my Ben & Jerry’s order: a waffle cone with sprinkles, two scoops of cookies and cream. Other than that, I mostly remember feeling happy. On a whim, we bought novelty shirts from an Aussie souvenir shop. My shirt was pink and had koalas on it. It was silly and a waste of money, but we had a good laugh about it. Now looking back, I see it as one of the moments where I started letting my guard down. I was allowing myself to have fun and get excited about someone new. iOS7 had just dropped, so I used an iPhone filter on all of my photos from that day, making them all look moody and blue. Those photos recently appeared in my Camera Roll as a Memory, and it reminded me of how much we have grown, how much fun we had, and how much fun we continue to have together. With every passing year, we learn how to love each other that little bit better. Over the last decade, Tim has witnessed multiple evolutions of me, loving me wholeheartedly through each version. And I have done the same for him. I know what we have is rare and I’m so grateful. For our anniversary Tim surprised me with 3 mixtapes, one titled ‘10 Years of Love and Live Music’ paying homage to the music that has helped shape our story, gigs we have been to, and songs we have on constant rotation. Track 3, disc 3: She’s So High by Tal Bachman.
I hope you enjoyed my winter newsletter! This will be me for the foreseeable future…
Loved reading this love story, and love you! 💗💗💗